Mine

Smudging blood on my papers,

putting lavender in my books.

I always use such extremes when claiming things.

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Bride

I ravaged racks of wedding dresses.

Looking for one to replace my mother’s.

I wore hers out in the rain

And ruined it with mud.

I snapped the spaghetti straps

And tore the hemline with my father’s yellow galoshes.

Running through different realms,

I was a queen and there was a king.

I was an empress and there, an emperor.

I ruled with dead leaves,

Rusty bars, and my

Torn dress.

Gliding side to side on my blue swing,

I was riding a dragon.

In the sky over quilted patches of Earth.

I tore the templates from the ground and mended the dress myself.

I rode into the clouds

And married the endless void.

10 years old —

Knew I’d be a runaway bride.

Getting High

I started smoking again just to prove how over you I am.

I found 5 pointed stars in my bed,

Tore my sheets and poked microscopic holes in my mattress.

A dip in the terrain for every night you’ve spent.

I sleep over 3D maps and contemplate earthquakes now.

The mountains you created make knots in my back,

My lows don’t feel so low anymore;

While the highs,

Hurt a hell of a lot more

Than the lows

Ever did.

Blue vs. Orange

I went to an estate sale.

A woman was selling a baby blue guitar.

“It’s yours — I’m moving to Aruba.”

And off I went with baby blue in hand.

As Blue as an Aries,

was the name of the band.

There was a boy in navy blue swim trunks playing in a South Jersey blue hole.

I blushed at the site of him — pink.

I put down my guitar and started to paint my hair shades of blue.

Streaky and soft,

like watercolor ink.

I found a man in orange,

offering me warm bearded kisses.

I didn’t want them but I was cold.

“This could be a good move for me,” I thought.

I went to the bathroom to wash the paint out,

but the whole room was blue.

Enough

I missed the night.IMG_3698

I smoked passion flower,

left a water bottle open in my bag,

slept with lipstick and glitter

for 12 hours and it’s still not enough.

You were in my dream–

at least a part of you was.

My childhood fish friend decided to move in with me.

It’s always dark now,

in every dream,

Blue, Black, Grey silvers of light

form the non-existing moon bounce off of puddles and trees.

I want to hide.

I want to be seen.

I don’t know which one I want more.

I am surrounded by vomit,

hay,

and sleepiness,

and disappointment.

When did everything I write become so dark?

Quit gagging (it’s not what you think)

I thought seeing you would make me feel better,

but now I feel worse.

As if I didn’t hate them already.

As if I needed another reason.

I would tell you if it was your fault,

but it’s really not.

I would speak the words

if they didn’t make me so sick.

I would say them loud

if I wasn’t already gagging.

Some people make you feel worse

while some make you feel better.

 

Fresh

I was thinking about the Midwest.

White, orange, and black cars.

The color of the craft,

our New Year

Spotted on the first day of Summer.

Sometimes fresh starts aren’t always so fresh.

Sometimes they are hot and burning off scorching concrete.

Sometimes they are born on Midnight in the suburbs of Connecticut.

 

Six

I’ve been dreaming of Russian winters,

rescue planes,

taking 6-hour flights

for 45-minute brunches,

to show people how much I care.

Dashing red velvet ropes

for closed off areas

Grand marble staircases

Gathering troops

to hijack the castle

Waiting on snow

for the team to show up

and give me a ride

I have brunch plans in six hours.

City Beer Hall

Sleeping topless

I dreamt of city beer hall pasts

A brick wall splashed with soft lighting

A raging bull

An opening to different times 

Torn up pieces of paper, Free pizza

Nancy yelling at me to get in the cab

We were always going back when we should of been moving forward 

Time is a funny thing