Mine

Smudging blood on my papers,

putting lavender in my books.

I always use such extremes when claiming things.

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Bride

I ravaged racks of wedding dresses.

Looking for one to replace my mother’s.

I wore hers out in the rain

And ruined it with mud.

I snapped the spaghetti straps

And tore the hemline with my father’s yellow galoshes.

Running through different realms,

I was a queen and there was a king.

I was an empress and there, an emperor.

I ruled with dead leaves,

Rusty bars, and my

Torn dress.

Gliding side to side on my blue swing,

I was riding a dragon.

In the sky over quilted patches of Earth.

I tore the templates from the ground and mended the dress myself.

I rode into the clouds

And married the endless void.

10 years old —

Knew I’d be a runaway bride.

Fishnets

I wish my jeans were smaller

that I would speak less about things I don’t know about.

Even with my size

I feel I carry such heavyweight;

In my words

or my expressions.

I walk with my head down

and I have a nice curve down my spine.

I’m always carrying a backpack

and my shoes are too tight.

I crash into strangers

because I think I take up too much space.

Enough

I missed the night.IMG_3698

I smoked passion flower,

left a water bottle open in my bag,

slept with lipstick and glitter

for 12 hours and it’s still not enough.

You were in my dream–

at least a part of you was.

My childhood fish friend decided to move in with me.

It’s always dark now,

in every dream,

Blue, Black, Grey silvers of light

form the non-existing moon bounce off of puddles and trees.

I want to hide.

I want to be seen.

I don’t know which one I want more.

I am surrounded by vomit,

hay,

and sleepiness,

and disappointment.

When did everything I write become so dark?

Quit gagging (it’s not what you think)

I thought seeing you would make me feel better,

but now I feel worse.

As if I didn’t hate them already.

As if I needed another reason.

I would tell you if it was your fault,

but it’s really not.

I would speak the words

if they didn’t make me so sick.

I would say them loud

if I wasn’t already gagging.

Some people make you feel worse

while some make you feel better.