I missed the night.
I smoked passion flower,
left a water bottle open in my bag,
slept with lipstick and glitter
for 12 hours and it’s still not enough.
You were in my dream–
at least a part of you was.
My childhood fish friend decided to move in with me.
It’s always dark now,
in every dream,
Blue, Black, Grey silvers of light
form the non-existing moon bounce off of puddles and trees.
I want to hide.
I want to be seen.
I don’t know which one I want more.
I am surrounded by vomit,
When did everything I write become so dark?
I thought seeing you would make me feel better,
but now I feel worse.
As if I didn’t hate them already.
As if I needed another reason.
I would tell you if it was your fault,
but it’s really not.
I would speak the words
if they didn’t make me so sick.
I would say them loud
if I wasn’t already gagging.
Some people make you feel worse
while some make you feel better.
I long for car sunburns,
sleep, and spearmint gum.
I’ll move to the Midwest and use it as toothpaste.
We’ll pass of Fireball on the road
and use bumps as pick-me-ups at 5am.
We’ll never think of the rain again.
And rotting gums
Lions and witches
Lessons learned from not writing shit down
Lessons learned from lightning
I will be the ground you walk on.
Steady and true
When you get dizzy
You can lay your head down
And pour all your tears onto me
I will use them to grow a tree for you
You don’t have to get up;
I will cover you with moss and ivy
Let you sleep it off for the next couple decades.
When you awake
You will be softer than you once were
Cool to the touch
So when you try again
You may lay your head on me once more
and I will protect you.
I will continue to bloom trees in honor of you
Something new will be birthed
Because of you
You see, they think our tears are our weakness
They do not know
We are Earth