I wish my jeans were smaller
that I would speak less about things I don’t know about.
Even with my size
I feel I carry such heavyweight;
In my words
or my expressions.
I walk with my head down
and I have a nice curve down my spine.
I’m always carrying a backpack
and my shoes are too tight.
I crash into strangers
because I think I take up too much space.
I went to an estate sale.
A woman was selling a baby blue guitar.
“It’s yours — I’m moving to Aruba.”
And off I went with baby blue in hand.
As Blue as an Aries,
was the name of the band.
There was a boy in navy blue swim trunks playing in a South Jersey blue hole.
I blushed at the site of him — pink.
I put down my guitar and started to paint my hair shades of blue.
Streaky and soft,
like watercolor ink.
I found a man in orange,
offering me warm bearded kisses.
I didn’t want them but I was cold.
“This could be a good move for me,” I thought.
I went to the bathroom to wash the paint out,
but the whole room was blue.
I don’t feel pretty when I wear my glasses;
I wear them anyway.
My hair’s getting long now
The weight of my head
Makes it pin straight
It goes right to hell.
My skull feels swollen
I can feel calcium trying to mix with oxygen.
I’ve learned to not say hello to people who aren’t worth a sliver of my time, or
More appropriately put;
A single strand
Of my silver stardust gorgeous hair.
I missed the night.
I smoked passion flower,
left a water bottle open in my bag,
slept with lipstick and glitter
for 12 hours and it’s still not enough.
You were in my dream–
at least a part of you was.
My childhood fish friend decided to move in with me.
It’s always dark now,
in every dream,
Blue, Black, Grey silvers of light
form the non-existing moon bounce off of puddles and trees.
I want to hide.
I want to be seen.
I don’t know which one I want more.
I am surrounded by vomit,
When did everything I write become so dark?
I thought seeing you would make me feel better,
but now I feel worse.
As if I didn’t hate them already.
As if I needed another reason.
I would tell you if it was your fault,
but it’s really not.
I would speak the words
if they didn’t make me so sick.
I would say them loud
if I wasn’t already gagging.
Some people make you feel worse
while some make you feel better.
I long for car sunburns,
sleep, and spearmint gum.
I’ll move to the Midwest and use it as toothpaste.
We’ll pass of Fireball on the road
and use bumps as pick-me-ups at 5am.
We’ll never think of the rain again.
And rotting gums
Lions and witches
Lessons learned from not writing shit down
Lessons learned from lightning
I will be the ground you walk on.
Steady and true
When you get dizzy
You can lay your head down
And pour all your tears onto me
I will use them to grow a tree for you
You don’t have to get up;
I will cover you with moss and ivy
Let you sleep it off for the next couple decades.
When you awake
You will be softer than you once were
Cool to the touch
So when you try again
You may lay your head on me once more
and I will protect you.
I will continue to bloom trees in honor of you
Something new will be birthed
Because of you
You see, they think our tears are our weakness
They do not know
We are Earth